Exploring boundaries and what's mine to carry
Some things are yours to change. Some you can influence. Some are completely outside your control — and that's okay. Sorting them out is a really useful skill.
A boundary isn't a wall — it's more like the edge of your garden. It shows where you end and someone else begins. Tap each zone to explore what it means.
Your body is yours. That includes your personal space, who touches you, how you look, and the sensations you feel. No one has the right to touch your body, take up your physical space, or make you feel unsafe in your skin.
You get to decide what happens with your body, even when that feels hard to say out loud.
Your feelings belong to you. No one can tell you what you're really feeling, or that you shouldn't feel something. You also get to choose what you share and with whom — feelings don't have to be performed for anyone.
Your thoughts are your own. You're allowed to disagree, to have opinions that are different from everyone around you, and to change your mind. No one can force you to believe something, and you don't have to share every thought you have.
Keeping your thoughts private isn't dishonest. You get to decide what you share.
You have the right to make choices about your own life — who you spend time with, what you participate in, what feels okay for you. This can feel complicated when other people's feelings are involved, but making a choice that's right for you isn't the same as being unkind.
Are there times when it's hard to know where your boundary is? What makes it easier or harder to notice? Are boundaries the same for everyone — and what might affect that?
Just as you have a garden, so does everyone else. These cards explore real-life situations — read each one, think about it, then reveal what's going on with boundaries here.
Your friend's feelings belong to them — including the choice about whether to share them. Caring about someone doesn't give us the right to make them open up. Respecting their boundary here actually builds more trust than pushing.
Information shared in one space doesn't automatically belong everywhere. Even if someone didn't say "don't share this," that feeling of "it feels off" is worth listening to. Checking in with someone before sharing their news respects their boundary around their own story.
Your sibling's mood belongs to them. You can be kind and offer support — that's lovely — but their emotional state isn't your responsibility to fix. When we feel responsible for someone else's feelings, it often means our boundaries have blurred. That feeling of "if I don't fix it, something bad will happen" is worth exploring gently.
Your discomfort is real, even if they don't mean any harm. Good intentions don't cancel out a boundary. You're allowed to name what you need — "I need a bit more space, thanks" — and that's not unkind. Their reaction to your boundary is their responsibility, not yours.
Yes — your anger is real and valid, and it makes sense that you care. But your friend's situation belongs to them, including how they choose to handle it. Acting on their behalf without their say-so — even with good intentions — takes away their agency. You can still hold them, just from your side of the fence.
Your emotional response is yours and it's valid. Being told you're "too sensitive" is often a way of shifting the focus away from impact onto your reaction. You're allowed to feel how you feel. That's your garden, and what happened in it matters.
These scenarios are designed to prompt discussion, not to give definitive "right answers." Use them flexibly:
Use these to capture your thinking — either on-screen or as a printed worksheet to write on.
My Boundaries Worksheet · Whole Thread Therapy
Name: Date:
Draw or describe your garden. What's growing well? What needs attention? Is the fence clear, or blurry in places?
This resource is designed for use with young people aged 11 and above, primarily in therapeutic or pastoral settings. It integrates two related concepts — circle of control (often associated with Epictetus and popularised in cognitive-behavioural and acceptance-based approaches) and psychological boundaries of self — through an accessible garden metaphor.
It can be used across 1–4 sessions depending on depth. Individual sections work as standalone activities, or the full resource can form the backbone of a short group module.
Many neurodivergent young people experience interoceptive differences — they may find it harder to identify feelings in the body in real time. This can affect their ability to recognise when a boundary is being crossed (e.g. noticing discomfort in the moment). Avoid framing this as a deficit. Delayed awareness is valid; some people reflect back later and that's still useful.
Anxious young people — particularly those who have experienced unpredictability at home or school — may have a hypervigilant relationship with control. They may place many items in the "I can control" ring that don't actually belong there (e.g. other people's reactions, external outcomes). Explore this with curiosity, not correction. The question "I wonder what it would feel like to put that in the outside ring?" is more useful than telling them they're wrong.
Young people with a Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) profile may have a particularly acute need for autonomy and may be highly sensitised to any framing of boundaries as rules or restrictions. Use the garden metaphor positively — boundaries as yours, as protective of your own autonomy — rather than anything that feels like an obligation. Avoid any hint that knowing your boundaries means you then have to enforce them a particular way.
Many autistic and otherwise neurodivergent young people have been told (explicitly or implicitly) that their reactions are "too much," "too sensitive," or wrong. The section on emotional boundaries and the scenario about "you're so sensitive" may land very close to home. Create genuine space for this without directing.
The garden metaphor was chosen for several reasons: it's generative rather than defensive (a garden is alive, growing, something you tend), it allows for nuance (fences aren't walls; you can see and care about other gardens), and it doesn't imply that boundaries are about keeping people out.
You might extend the metaphor in group discussion:
Use the illustration creatively — young people can draw their own garden on the worksheet. Some may create elaborate detailed images; others may keep it simple. Both are valid.
This resource draws on several frameworks:
Boundary-based work can surface disclosures. Some young people may use this material to begin talking about situations where their boundaries have been violated — including by adults.
This resource is psychoeducational, not therapeutic. For young people who need more than psychoeducation, ensure onward referral pathways are in place.
This material works best when it's genuinely exploratory, not prescriptive. Some facilitation principles: