Where many families begin
It's okay if this feels complicated
Parents come to this point in all kinds of ways. Maybe a teacher raised concerns. Maybe you've been watching your child struggle for years and finally have a name for it. Maybe the suggestion of Autism or ADHD came out of nowhere and you're reeling. Maybe you sought the assessment yourself, and now the result is sitting in front of you and you're not sure what to do with it.
Whatever brought you here, you're allowed to feel complicated things. Relief. Grief. Guilt. Protectiveness. Love. Confusion. Sometimes all of those at once.
A note from Leanne
I'm a neuroaffirming therapist who is AuDHD myself, and I work with children, young people, and families where neurodivergence is part of life. But I didn't always have the language, the knowledge, or the map. For a long time, I was exactly where you might be right now — a parent without a clue where to begin, staring at a system that felt entirely impenetrable, not knowing what questions to ask or who to ask them to.
It was that experience — the bewilderment, the searching, the feeling of being utterly without a compass — that sent me back into training to become a psychotherapist. And when I got there, I discovered my special interest: neurodivergence. It took hold completely. The more I learned, the more I understood not just my child, but myself. My own AuDHD identity came into focus through that journey of discovery, and everything clicked in a way it never had before.
I made a vow somewhere in that process: that I would become the support for parents like me — parents who hadn't got a clue where to begin at one time, who felt alone in it, who needed someone to sit alongside them and say here's where we start. This guide is part of that vow. I hope it helps.
Why diagnosis can bring up grief
It's worth naming something that isn't talked about enough: many parents experience something that feels like grief when their child receives a diagnosis. This doesn't mean you love your child less, or that you wish they were different in any fundamental way. It often means you're grieving a particular imagined future — one the world told you to expect — or processing the realisation that your child has been struggling, possibly for a long time.
This grief is real and valid. It can also sit alongside enormous love, pride, and relief. These things coexist.
Some of what parents tell me
- "I cried for a week, and I don't even know why — I'm so glad we finally have answers."
- "I felt guilty, like I'd missed something, like I should have known sooner."
- "My family keep saying he doesn't look autistic. I don't know what to say to them."
- "Part of me wonders if the label will follow her forever."
- "I actually felt relieved. It explained so much. But then I worried about what happens next."
When families disagree
Partners, grandparents, wider family — not everyone will be in the same place. One parent may have pushed for assessment while the other is resistant. A grandparent might say "we didn't have all this when I was young" (a phrase that deserves gentle unpacking — there were always neurodivergent people; we just didn't have language for it, and many were simply labelled naughty, difficult, or not trying hard enough).
Family disconnection around diagnosis is incredibly common. It doesn't mean your family is broken — it means you're navigating something genuinely new together.
A question worth sitting with
Should I pursue a diagnosis?
This is one of the most important questions a parent can ask — and one of the most personal. There is no universal right answer. What I can offer is what I believe most deeply: that being fully informed is always better than not being informed. Difficult decisions made with clarity and understanding are ones you can feel assured in, even when they're hard.
So let's begin with the basics.
What a diagnosis can open up
For many families, a diagnosis is a key. It opens doors — to support, to understanding, to language that finally fits. Here are some of the concrete things a diagnosis can make possible:
School support & accommodations
A diagnosis significantly strengthens your ability to request formal support at school — extra time, sensory accommodations, a quieter environment, a trusted key adult. Without a diagnosis, schools can still support, but a formal assessment adds weight to those requests and can be essential for an EHCP application.
Understanding your child
Many parents describe diagnosis as the moment things finally made sense — not just their child's behaviour, but their child's experience. Understanding why things are hard can shift the entire dynamic from frustration to compassion, for both parent and child.
Your child understanding themselves
For neurodivergent children, a diagnosis can be profoundly relieving. Knowing there is a reason they find certain things harder — that they are not broken, lazy, or difficult — can protect self-esteem and identity in ways that ripple through a lifetime.
Access to wider support
Some therapeutic services, support groups, DLA applications, and specialist provision require or are significantly aided by a formal diagnosis. It can also be relevant in further and higher education, and later in employment.
Why some families hesitate — and why that's understandable
Choosing to pursue a diagnosis is not always straightforward, and the hesitation many parents feel is real and worth taking seriously.
Some of the things parents worry about
- "I don't want them labelled." This is perhaps the most common concern. It comes from a place of love and protection — a fear that a diagnosis will follow them, define them, or close doors. It's worth sitting with where this fear comes from, and whether it might be rooted in how we have historically been taught to see neurodivergence — as something to hide rather than understand.
- "What if the process is harmful?" Assessment processes vary. Some families report clinical, deficit-focused experiences that feel reductive. This is a legitimate concern and worth factoring into which pathway you choose — not necessarily a reason to avoid diagnosis altogether.
- "They seem fine at school — maybe I'm overthinking it." The gap between school presentation and home experience is real and well-documented, particularly for Autistic children who mask. Fine at school often means exhausted at home. Your observations matter.
- "I'm worried about how they'll feel about having a diagnosis." Children's responses to diagnosis vary enormously — and are often shaped by how adults around them frame it. Many Autistic and ADHD children, when given affirming, age-appropriate information, feel relief rather than distress.
- "I don't want to be known as that parent." The parent who complains. Who pushes. Who won't let things go. Who always has something to say at parents' evening. This fear is incredibly common — and it comes from a real place. Many of us have been socialised to be accommodating, to not make a fuss, to trust that professionals know best. But advocating for your child is not the same as being difficult. Knowing your child's needs, naming them clearly, and asking for them to be met is not something to be ashamed of. The parents who advocate most persistently are most often the ones who know, deep down, that their child needs someone in their corner.
The ableism that lives in the system — and sometimes in us
It's worth naming something honestly: the process of seeking a diagnosis can feel ableist, because in some ways it is. The diagnostic system was built largely on a medical model — one that frames neurodivergence as deficit, disorder, and deviation from a norm. Assessment criteria were written by people who were, largely, not neurodivergent themselves. Reports often read as lists of what a child cannot do.
None of that means diagnosis itself is wrong — but it does mean that the path towards it, and the language it sometimes produces, can feel at odds with a neuroaffirming way of seeing your child. You can hold both things at once. You can pursue a diagnosis — for the access, the understanding, the support it makes possible — while simultaneously rejecting the deficit framing that sometimes comes with it. You can receive a report that lists your child's difficulties and still know, deeply, that those difficulties exist in a world that wasn't designed for them.
A note on navigating this as a family
There is no shame in taking time to think this through. There is no shame in having mixed feelings, asking hard questions, or sitting with uncertainty for a while. What I hope this guide offers — and what I try to offer every family I work with — is not a prescription, but a foundation. Enough information to move forward with intention rather than anxiety. Enough understanding to make the decision that is right for your child, your family, and the life you are building together.
The basics, plainly stated
What does a diagnosis actually mean?
A diagnosis of Autism or ADHD is a description, not a verdict. It tells you something about the way your child's brain works — how they process information, regulate emotions, experience sensory input, and relate to the world.
It does not tell you what your child's life will look like. It does not set a ceiling on what they can do or who they can become. It does not reduce them to a label. It is, most fundamentally, a doorway to understanding.
Autism
Autism is a neurological difference — a different way of perceiving and processing the world. Autistic people may experience differences in social communication, sensory processing, patterns of thinking, and the way they engage with interests and routines. Autism is not caused by parenting. It is not something to be fixed. It is a fundamentally different way of being in the world, with its own strengths and its own challenges.
ADHD
ADHD — Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder — is a neurological difference affecting how the brain regulates attention, impulse, and activity. This looks different in different people: some are hyperactive; others are quietly inattentive. ADHD involves differences in dopamine and executive function. It is not a lack of effort or willpower. It is not poor parenting. Many ADHDers are deeply creative, highly empathic, and capable of extraordinary focus when something lights them up — often called "hyperfocus".
AuDHD — when both are present
It's increasingly recognised that Autism and ADHD frequently co-occur. This can look confusing because the two conditions can interact — sometimes amplifying, sometimes partially masking each other. An AuDHD child might love routine (Autistic trait) but also struggle to follow through on it (ADHD trait). Assessment teams that are experienced with co-occurring presentations are important.
A note on diagnostic criteria
Both Autism and ADHD are currently diagnosed using criteria developed primarily through research on white boys and men. This means girls, women, non-binary people, and people from marginalised communities are consistently underdiagnosed or diagnosed later. Autistic girls, for example, often develop sophisticated "masking" — camouflaging their differences to fit in — which means they can appear fine in school while exhausted at home. If you're concerned about your child and have been told they "can't be Autistic" because they're sociable, make eye contact, or do well in school — please do pursue further assessment.
The bigger picture
Neurodiversity, the neurodiversity paradigm, and ableism
These words come up a lot. Here's what they actually mean.
Neurodiversity
Neurodiversity simply means that human brains vary. Just as biodiversity refers to the natural variation in species and ecosystems, neurodiversity recognises that there is no single "correct" type of brain. Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, and many other neurological differences are part of the natural spectrum of human variation — not errors or deficits.
The neurodiversity paradigm
The neurodiversity paradigm takes this further. It argues that much of what we describe as "disorder" or "deficit" is actually mismatch — between how a person's brain works and how society, schools, workplaces, and systems are designed. An Autistic child isn't disordered; they may be a square peg in a world full of round holes. The goal of support, from this perspective, isn't to make the child more "normal" — it's to build environments, relationships, and strategies that allow them to thrive as themselves.
"The problem is not the child. The problem is the mismatch between the child and their environment."
What is ableism?
Ableism is discrimination against, or prejudice towards, disabled people. It can be loud and obvious — outright cruelty or exclusion. But more often, it's quiet and systemic: the assumption that disabled people need to be "fixed" to have a good life; the belief that independence, productivity, and neurotypical communication are the markers of worth; the way institutions are built around a narrow idea of "normal" and treat everyone else as a problem to be managed.
Ableism affects how we talk about diagnosis. When a diagnosis is framed as tragedy, when all the information you're given focuses on deficits and challenges, when interventions focus on making neurodivergent people appear more neurotypical rather than supporting their wellbeing — these are forms of ableism. Recognising this doesn't mean the challenges aren't real. It means we can hold challenges and identity together, without shame.
What this means for your child
Your child does not need to be made more palatable to the world. They need support that meets them where they are, reduces suffering, builds on their strengths, and helps them understand and advocate for themselves. The goal isn't a "less autistic" or "less ADHD" child — it's a supported, understood, and flourishing one.
Identity-first vs person-first language
You'll notice that in this guide, I use identity-first language — "Autistic person" rather than "person with Autism." This is because many Autistic people have actively expressed a preference for this, seeing Autism as part of their identity rather than something separate from them. "Person with Autism" — person-first language — is preferred by some, particularly some parents and professionals, and feels right for others. What matters most is following the lead of the individual. For children, it's worth exploring this with them as they grow older.
Navigating the system
The NHS pathway — what to expect
NHS assessment for Autism and ADHD varies considerably depending on where you live in England. Waiting times can be long — sometimes years. Knowing how the system works can help you use the time productively.
Starting the process
In most areas, a referral for Autism or ADHD assessment needs to come from a professional — usually your child's GP, a school SENCO (Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator), or a paediatrician. Some areas have self-referral routes; it's worth checking what's available locally.
Speak to your GP or school SENCO
Document your concerns in writing before the appointment. Note specific examples of what you're observing at home and school — the more concrete and specific the better. Ask for a referral to your local CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) or specialist paediatric team.
Referral accepted — join the waiting list
In many areas this means a significant wait — often years. Use this time to gather information, access school support (schools can put support in place before diagnosis), and connect with parent support networks. It's also worth knowing that there may be other routes available to you, including one that is still NHS-funded but may involve a shorter wait. We'll cover that in more detail in the Right to Choose section below.
Pre-assessment information gathering
You'll typically be asked to complete questionnaires about your child's development and current difficulties. School will usually be asked to provide information too. Be honest and thorough — this is not the place to show your best side; it's the place to accurately represent your child's struggles.
As soon as you complete any form or receive any letter — scan it or photograph it and save it somewhere safe. Paperwork getting lost within systems is not uncommon, and being able to resend a copy immediately, without having to fill in lengthy forms all over again, can save you enormous time and stress further down the line. A phone photo saved to a dedicated folder is enough.
Assessment appointment(s)
Assessment often involves a clinical interview with parents/carers, observation or direct work with your child, and standardised assessments. For Autism this might include tools like the ADOS-2 (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) and ADI-R. For ADHD it typically involves structured questionnaires and clinical interview.
Feedback and report
You should receive a written report of the outcome — this is important for accessing support at school, via an EHCP, and later in life. If you're given a diagnosis, ask what the next steps are and what support is available in your area. If no diagnosis is given but you disagree, you have the right to seek a second opinion.
A reality check on waiting times
In many parts of England, NHS waits for Autism assessment are currently 2–5 years, and ADHD waits can be similarly long. This is not acceptable — but it is the reality many families face. In the meantime, schools do not need a diagnosis to provide support. If your child needs help, ask for it now. SENDIASS (see resources) can help you understand your rights.
What if my child is not referred?
GPs and teachers sometimes decline referrals — particularly for children who are managing in school (even if exhausted at home), girls, or children whose presentation doesn't fit the stereotype. If you're refused, ask for the reason in writing, keep documenting your concerns, and consider seeking a second opinion or private assessment. You can also contact SENDIASS for advice.
If NHS waiting times aren't workable
Private assessment — what you need to know
If the Right to Choose pathway isn't available in your area, or if you need to move more quickly than any NHS-funded route allows, private assessment is the other option. It can significantly reduce waiting times, but it is expensive — typically £800–£2,500 or more for a full Autism or ADHD assessment — and quality varies enormously.
What to look for in a private assessor
Qualified clinicians
Look for Clinical Psychologists, Consultant Psychiatrists, or Paediatricians with specialist training. Check professional registration (HCPC, GMC, BPS).
Gold-standard tools
A robust Autism assessment should include ADOS-2 and ADI-R. Be cautious of assessments based on questionnaires alone.
Comprehensive report
You need a detailed written report that schools and local authorities will accept. Ask for a sample report or template before booking.
Neurodiversity-informed
Look for assessors who frame findings in a strengths-based, neurodiversity-affirming way — not just a list of deficits.
Before you book — a step worth taking first
Before committing to the cost of a private assessment, it is worth doing a little groundwork that could save you significant money and prevent complications down the line. Private assessments vary considerably in quality — and not all of them will be accepted by schools, GPs, or local authorities without question.
Ask about NICE guidelines compliance
NICE — the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence — publishes guidelines that set out how Autism and ADHD assessments should be conducted in the UK. A reputable private assessor should be working in line with these guidelines. If you are unsure, you are entirely within your rights to ask directly: "Is your assessment process compliant with NICE guidelines?" A good provider will answer clearly and confidently. Hesitation or vagueness is worth taking seriously.
The relevant guidelines are NICE NG142 (Autism in children and young people) and NICE NG87 (ADHD in children, young people, and adults). You don't need to read them in full — but knowing they exist, and that you can reference them, puts you in a much stronger position as a parent.
Check acceptance before you pay
Before booking a private assessment, it is worth contacting the key people who will be acting on its findings — your child's school or SENCO, your GP, and your local authority if an EHCP is something you are considering — and asking them directly: "If we obtain a private diagnosis, will you accept it to inform the support you provide?"
Most will, particularly if the assessment is carried out by a qualified clinician using NICE-compliant methods. But it is far better to know this in advance than to spend £1,500 on a report and discover afterwards that your GP won't act on it without an NHS review, or that your local authority requires additional evidence before considering an EHCP. A few short emails or phone calls before booking can give you confidence that the assessment will do the work you need it to do.
You might also ask the assessor themselves whether their reports are routinely accepted by schools and local authorities in your area — a well-established provider will know the answer and will be glad you asked.
Important: NHS recognition of private diagnoses
NHS services are not obligated to accept a private diagnosis for treatment purposes, though a well-evidenced private report from a qualified clinician usually carries significant weight. It's worth checking with your local NHS about what a private diagnosis will and won't unlock in your area.
If your child receives an ADHD diagnosis, you may find yourself thinking about what comes next — and one of the questions many families arrive at, in their own time and their own way, is whether medication is something they want to explore. There is no right answer to this. Medication is one option among many, and what is right for one family — or one child — may not be right for another.
Some families find that medication makes a meaningful difference to their child's quality of life, concentration, and sense of ease in the world. Others prefer to start with environmental changes, therapeutic support, and understanding before considering medication, if at all. Some try medication and decide it isn't right for them. Some revisit the question years later. All of these are valid.
What matters most is that any decision is made with good information, without pressure, and with your child's own voice included wherever possible. A neuroaffirming clinician will explore all options with you rather than defaulting to one path. If medication is something you want to explore following a private diagnosis, prescribing in England typically needs to be arranged through an NHS GP or CAMHS prescriber, often under a shared care arrangement — so it's worth asking the assessing provider how they support families through that process.
School, learning, and your rights
Education support — you don't have to wait for a diagnosis
One of the most important things to know is that a diagnosis is not required for a school to support your child. Schools in England have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments for children with Special Educational Needs (SEN) — regardless of whether a diagnosis is in place.
The SENCO
Every school is required to have a Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator (SENCO). This is your first point of contact. Ask for a meeting, come prepared with specific examples of where your child is struggling, and ask what support the school can put in place now. You don't have to wait to be invited.
SEN Support
Before any formal process, schools should be using a cycle of Assess, Plan, Do, Review — looking at what a child needs, implementing support, and checking whether it's working. This is called "SEN Support" and should be documented. Ask to see your child's SEN Support plan.
It's worth knowing that schools use different names for these documents. You may hear them referred to as an Individual Education Plan (IEP), an Individual Support Plan (ISP), a Pupil Passport, a Learning Support Plan, or simply a "support plan" — the terminology varies from school to school and isn't standardised. What matters is not the name, but that something written and reviewed exists for your child.
If you're unsure what your child's school does, it's completely reasonable to ask directly: "How do you support children with additional needs, and what process or documentation do you use?" A good SENCO will be glad to explain their approach. If the answer is vague or they can't show you anything in writing, that's useful information too.
What support might look like in school
Support varies hugely depending on the child's needs, but examples include: extra time in exams, movement breaks, a quiet space to work, visual timetables, sensory accommodations (e.g. ear defenders), check-ins from a trusted adult, flexible seating, adapted homework, social communication support, and access to nurture or small-group work.
The most effective support is co-produced with the child themselves, tailored to their specific profile, and reviewed regularly.
What if the school says there's no problem?
It's common for schools to observe "no concerns" while parents see significant difficulties at home. This is sometimes called the "school paradox" — and it's particularly common in Autistic girls and children who mask. Masking — suppressing your natural responses to fit in — takes an enormous toll and often leads to what's called an "autistic burnout" at home, which parents bear the brunt of.
If you're in this position, document what you're seeing at home, share it with the SENCO, and consider seeking an independent assessment. SENDIASS can support you in advocating for your child.
Moving schools, transitions, and high school
Transitions — especially primary to secondary school — can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent children. If your child has a diagnosis or is on the SEN register, ask the school what transition planning will look like. You're entitled to a transition plan. If your child has an EHCP (see below), transition reviews are built into the process.
If high school transition is on your horizon, Whole Thread Therapy has free downloadable resources to support this — one for families and one for SENCOs — designed to help both sides prepare thoughtfully and collaboratively. You can find them at wholethreadtherapy.co.uk/#resources.
A route many families don't know about
The Right to Choose pathway
There is a third option that sits between the standard NHS wait and paying privately — and it's one that many families are never told about. It's called the Right to Choose, and it means you may be entitled to have your child assessed by an independent provider, funded by the NHS.
What is Right to Choose?
Under the NHS Choice Framework and the Any Qualified Provider (AQP) policy, patients in England have the right to choose their healthcare provider for certain services — including, in many areas, Autism and ADHD assessment. This means your GP can refer you to an independent or private clinic that is registered to provide NHS-funded assessments, rather than to your local NHS team with its long waiting list.
The assessment is fully funded by the NHS. You pay nothing. The report carries the same clinical weight as an NHS assessment. The difference is that you choose the provider — and in doing so, you may access a significantly shorter wait.
Why Right to Choose can feel different
Many families report that independent providers on the Right to Choose pathway offer a more personal, less clinical experience than overstretched NHS teams. Assessors often have more time, smaller caseloads, and — in some cases — a more neurodiversity-affirming approach. Some parents describe the process as feeling genuinely collaborative, rather than something being done to them.
This is not universally true. Some independent providers on the pathway are excellent; others are not. The Right to Choose gives you access to a wider range of providers — it does not guarantee quality. Research the provider carefully before accepting a referral.
How to access Right to Choose
Check availability in your area
Right to Choose is available in England, but provision varies by ICB (Integrated Care Board — your local NHS commissioning body). Not every area has commissioned AQP providers for Autism or ADHD. Check with your GP or search for AQP-registered providers in your region before assuming it's available.
Find a registered provider
Search for independent assessment clinics that are registered as AQP providers in your area. ADHD UK and Autistica both have guidance on this. Some providers also list their RTC availability on their own websites. Make a note of the provider name before approaching your GP.
Request the referral from your GP
Ask your GP specifically to refer you under Right to Choose to your chosen provider. Name the provider. GPs are not always familiar with this route — you may need to explain it. You can bring written information to the appointment. A GP cannot refuse a Right to Choose referral to an AQP provider without clinical reason.
Assessment and report
The process from here is similar to any assessment — questionnaires, clinical interview, direct work with your child. The report you receive is an NHS-funded document with full clinical standing.
Important caveats
Not all GPs know about this. You may face resistance or confusion. Be prepared to advocate clearly and calmly. Organisations like ADHD UK have letter templates you can use to request a Right to Choose referral.
Wait times vary. Right to Choose providers can have waiting lists too — sometimes comparable to NHS waits, sometimes significantly shorter. Always ask a provider for their current wait time before accepting the referral.
Quality is not guaranteed. Being on the AQP register means a provider meets a baseline — it doesn't mean they're neuroaffirming, trauma-informed, or skilled with co-occurring presentations. Ask about their approach, their assessors' experience with girls and masking presentations, and how they handle diagnostic uncertainty. You are entitled to ask questions before accepting.
If medication is something your family is considering. This is a personal decision that only your family can make, and there is no right or wrong answer. If an ADHD diagnosis via Right to Choose leads you to explore medication as one option, prescribing in England typically needs to be arranged through your GP or NHS CAMHS under a shared care arrangement — the independent provider cannot usually prescribe directly. Ask the provider how they support families through that process before you begin, so you know what to expect.
Useful resources for Right to Choose
Formal support structures
EHCPs, EOTAS, and other formal pathways
What is an EHCP?
An Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) is a legal document — produced by your local authority — that describes your child's SEN, the outcomes you and the local authority want for them, and exactly what provision will be put in place to achieve those outcomes. It is legally binding and covers education, health, and social care needs together.
EHCPs are for children and young people whose needs are complex, significant, and cannot be met through SEN Support alone. Having an EHCP means the local authority has a legal duty to arrange the provision within it.
Request an EHC Needs Assessment
Either the school or the family can request this from the local authority. Submit the request in writing. Include all evidence you have — reports, school records, letters from professionals.
Local authority decides whether to assess (6 weeks)
They must notify you of their decision within 6 weeks. If they refuse, you can appeal to the SEND Tribunal. SENDIASS and IPSEA can help with this.
Assessment takes place
Views are gathered from you, your child, the school, and relevant professionals (health, social care). Your child's voice is central — this is a legal requirement, not optional.
Draft EHCP issued
You have 15 days to respond to the draft. Read it carefully — especially Section F (provision) and Section I (placement). Provision should be specific and quantified, not vague. "As required" is not acceptable language.
Photograph or scan the draft as soon as it arrives, and keep a copy of every response you send. Local authorities have a legal timeline to follow — having a paper trail of what was sent, when, and by whom is your protection if things are delayed or disputed.
Final EHCP issued
The whole process should take no longer than 20 weeks. Once issued, the EHCP is reviewed annually. You can request an early review if circumstances change.
Key things to know about EHCPs
- You don't need a diagnosis to request an EHC Needs Assessment — though one helps.
- The local authority can refuse; you have the right to appeal to the SEND Tribunal.
- If the EHCP names a specific school, that school must be the one your child attends.
- Your child's voice must be included throughout — the EHCP should feel like it describes them, not a deficit list.
- EHCPs can cover education up to age 25 if the young person continues in education or training.
What is EOTAS?
Education Other Than At School (EOTAS) is a provision for children whose needs are so significant they cannot be educated in a school setting, or where no appropriate school place exists. EOTAS provision is funded by the local authority through an EHCP and can include home education, online learning, therapeutic provision, or a combination.
EOTAS is often misunderstood — it is not the same as elective home education, and it is not simply the family "opting out" of school. It is a formally recognised provision that the local authority is legally required to fund. If your child is unable to attend school — due to anxiety, sensory overwhelm, burnout, or other reasons connected to their neurodivergence — EOTAS may be worth exploring with the support of IPSEA or SENDIASS.
Other educational options
Special schools and specialist provision
Some children thrive in specialist settings — smaller classes, higher staff ratios, bespoke environments. A place at a special school must typically be agreed through the EHCP process. There are also specialist units within mainstream schools, and independent special schools (some funded by local authorities). IPSEA can help you understand the naming and placement process.
Alternative Provision (AP)
Alternative Provision is education arranged by the local authority or school outside a mainstream setting — for example, a Pupil Referral Unit (PRU) or alternative provision academy. This is often used for children who have been excluded or are unable to attend school. If your child is in AP, they should still have a clear plan and regular review.
Elective Home Education (EHE)
Parents have the legal right to home-educate their child in England. This is a separate route from EOTAS — it's a family choice rather than a funded provision. If you're considering home education because school is not working for your child, it's worth getting advice first about whether EOTAS might be more appropriate, as EHE means the local authority is no longer responsible for your child's provision.
Reduced timetables
Schools sometimes offer reduced timetables as a temporary arrangement. This can be appropriate in the short term as part of a reintegration plan — but it is not a permanent solution, and schools cannot use reduced timetables to avoid making adequate provision. If your child is on a long-term reduced timetable with no clear plan, seek advice from SENDIASS.
Where to go for help
Helpful organisations and websites
There is a lot out there — and the quality varies considerably. These are organisations I trust, and that families I work with have found genuinely useful.
Legal rights & education advocacy
Autism-specific support
ADHD-specific support
Benefits, financial support & wider rights
For parents, too
Therapy and support — for you, not just your child
Parents of neurodivergent children carry a lot. Navigating systems, advocating loudly, managing meltdowns, absorbing the emotional weight of a child who may be struggling, and doing it all while managing your own responses. It is exhausting work — and it doesn't come with much acknowledgement.
Therapy for parents isn't only about "fixing" something. It can be a space to process, to think, to make sense of your own reactions, and to understand the dynamics at play in your family. Many parents discover that they too are neurodivergent — that their child's diagnosis is a mirror as much as it is a map.
What neuroaffirming therapy looks like
Neuroaffirming therapy doesn't try to make you or your child fit a neurotypical mould. It starts from the position that your brain — and your child's — works differently, not deficiently. It's interested in what your nervous system needs, how you best communicate, how your environment affects you, and what "thriving" looks like for you specifically — not in comparison to a standard that was never designed with you in mind.
Approaches that tend to work well
Creative psychotherapy
For children who don't talk-to-process, creative approaches — art, play, movement, metaphor — offer a different way in. Particularly useful for Autistic children and those with high anxiety.
Polyvagal-informed work
Understanding the nervous system — and what helps your child feel safe — is often transformative for families. Co-regulation before self-regulation: connection before correction.
Parent / family therapy
Working with the whole system, not just the child. Understanding family dynamics, co-regulation, and how parents' own histories shape responses.
Psychoeducation groups
Learning alongside other parents. Understanding Autism, ADHD, PDA, and demand avoidance in a supported, normalising context.
Approaches to be cautious of
Not all interventions for Autistic and ADHD children are created equal. Approaches rooted in making neurodivergent children appear more neurotypical — through compliance training, punishment-based behaviour management, or suppression of stims and coping strategies — can cause significant harm. This includes some applications of ABA (Applied Behaviour Analysis). If you're offered an intervention, it's reasonable to ask: does this approach respect my child's identity, or does it aim to change who they fundamentally are?
Working with me
I offer neuroaffirming integrative creative psychotherapy for children, young people, and families across the UK online. Whether your child is waiting for assessment, newly diagnosed, or further down the line — and whether it's your child who needs support, or you as their parent — I'd love to talk about what might help.